One of the things core and common to our human experience is
Before we explore the one big barriers to resolution, we need to make sure a few things are in place:
When we’re aggrieved, or feel robbed or undermined in some way, we can lose sight of the issue. When overwhelmed by emotion, our attention tends to go there and not the problem. This is one of the things that gets in the way of navigating conflict. It becomes more about how we feel than the issues themselves.
Don’t hear what I’m not saying. It is right to feel, we must. It is
Believe it or not, how something makes you feel can be a great way to help you discover what you value.
Pay particular attention to things you feel strongly about. Let your feelings guide to what’s important to you about the issue. One of the barriers to resolution is confusing feelings for the issue instead of them helping communicate the important to you.
This is the big one that got me started with this post. One of the greatest obstacles to resolution is blame. Restoring peace, whatever it means in your instance, apportioning blame is one that trips a lot of us up. Instead of dealing with problems at hand, we can get caught up in giving blame or defending why or how we can’t be wrong ones.
To avoid repeating similar issues, it is good to identify what we all brought to the mess. Of course, this is one area unhealthy ego, or a lack of humility can get in the way. We cannot have great relationships, in family, teams and organisations without humility. Without humility we put ourselves at the centre, and this isn’t good.
To labour this:
Often the thing that gets in the way of resolution is ego. To be specific, it is trying to prove who’s right and who’s wrong.
In any case, despite who’s wrong or right, you still have issues to deal with. Be humble.