Nice and Smooth, a hip hop duo, said, “Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick…” That’s kinda everybody’s story. Right? I’m Schizophrenic.

I mean sometimes I feel like I can take over the world. I could climb Mt Kilimanjaro, Mt Everest and the Andes one after the other, all in the same day.

At other times I have amazing vision. I can see clearly and I know exactly what needs to be done to overcome some obstacles. I’m very decisive during those times. It almost seems I could solve all the worlds’ problems if they were presented to me. I actually can have a peace solution for the Middle East. Yeah…

There are times I ooze wisdom like an Eskimo would sweat in his gear in the Sahara desert (<– sounds lame but that’s just me sometimes). Sometimes I am so sure of myself, if my confidence was to translate into heat, I’d melt every piece of ice on the planet (<– see what i just did right there).

I can be so productive everyone wants to know how I do it. In fact, in there are times I even dazzle myself…

And then… there are those times, when I doubt my ability I fear I might not be able to spell my name. I run away from tasks because I’m too scared of failing. For some reason fear takes over and I don’t seem to have a way out…

Sometimes I’m so despondent I couldn’t encourage a fish to swim.

Sometimes I’m bold and other times just scared. I’m strong then I’m so weak. I’m decisive and in a moment I can’t decide which shirt to wear.

This is my confession: I’m schizophrenic.

Could it be I am the way I am because it’s the constant fight between wanting to be perfect and right all the time. Perhaps it is the fight between the optimism in me and the reality of the hard work it takes to change my world. To change the world.

Yet, I dare. Then I retreat. Then I come out of my cave furiously swinging my sword at anything that stands in my way of advancing. Then I repeat this again.

Then again, no leader is always sure of himself in every situation. No leader has it together all the time… Right?

Am I really schizophrenic or just being human. Maybe the latter. No, the former. Perhaps both. I guess being a human leader makes me schizophrenic…

Published by Blessing Mpofu

just a guy changing the world

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